So yeah...nevermind.

Yesterday I went to the OBGYN.  I haven't had much experience with the OBGYN since my primary goal in life for the past 27 years has been to avoid that office at all costs, and it wasn't a very pleasant visit. 

First, I'm not pregnant and that was not my reason for going to that awful place.  Second, absolutely any thought I had that I may be even slightly ready to have a child in the next hundred years couple of years has been completely wiped from my brain**.

The office itself was fine, as were the nurses and doctors.  Clean rooms, nice enough people.  It was the exam room I had to wait in for a good 20 minutes that did me in.

On every wall there were horrifying posters about the different trimesters of pregnancy, and let me tell you it doesn't look pleasant in the least!  They read like the script to a horror movie.  I have always known to expect stretch marks (which I've always hoped with enough of that cocoa butter stuff my body would just skip), swelling in places I didn't know could swell, and aches up the wazoo.  I did not, however, expect to see things like possible dark spots on my face, a dark line from my belly button down, all kinds of shifting of my poor little organs, and did you all know that the baby actually flips around in there?  I mean, I'm not a jungle gym!

After waiting for the doctor to come in to see me, I was a complete nervous wreck about having a baby and I'm not even pregnant!  Kudos to all you amazing women who have had/are having a baby, you are far more brave than I am!  For now I'll stick to my dog and cats...it'll be a while until I can push those thoughts out and start to think about having human kids again.

** Don't worry Mom B & H, eventually I'll get there.  This has just set me back a bit.  I'm seeing this as a good thing since we'll be jobless/homeless in a few short months.  One thing at a time.